What (Not) to Say When Someone Needs Help-Addressing Toxic Masculinity/Positivity

Today we’re going to analyze things we say to ourselves and each other that fall under the category of toxic masculinity and its gender-neutral corollary, toxic positivity. Mainly, we’re going to unpack problematic language and phrases and offer healthier more meaningful options to use in the future. The goal is to make our responses to our loved ones more meaningful and intentional, so we can best help those we care about, including ourselves. Toxic masculinity and toxic positivity go hand in hand on this journey because the Venn diagram overlap of unhelpful and unhealthy responses posed by each is massive.

What Makes a Statement Toxic

First, let’s talk about what makes any concept or statement “toxic” for the purposes of this discussion. Toxicity exists when the statement does not empower, educate, support, commiserate, or foster trust OR if it inspires a shame response. I use this definition because toxicity in this context is the stuff that destroys self-esteem, relationships, and mental/physical health. Toxic masculinity particularly endorses problematic themes, such as isolation, violence, trophy-hunting, bottling emotions, and other things which discourage healthy behavior. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is limited to endorsing only “acceptable”…